Don't Be Creepy


These are the major assertions that you'll hear in one of my talks. Hearing them in person is more entertaining, though, and there's more detail.

Note that the sentences below are merely assertions rather than direct advice. To become advice I'd have to not only convince you that these are valid, but also convince you that they apply to you and are worth putting into practice. I'd be happy to give a talk in your area if you think there's sufficient interest.

on social skills

Some geeks may have poor social skills because of Asperger's syndrome, an autism-spectrum disorder.

Social skills can be learned, but it may take a long time for them to be anything other than a foreign language.

Most non-Asperger's people don't have an extraordinarily deep interest in geek subjects. Their free time is limited, and they prefer to spend it doing things other than completely mastering the details of some thing.

Arrogance isn't attractive, and it's not necessary. Your friends don't need convincing, and your enemies won't believe you.

Ignorance is not stupidity.

Nothing is inherently obvious or intuitive. Things only seem obvious if they are familiar.

Being able to communicate your ideas clearly and persuasively in English is worth more than raw skill.

Politeness and respect are extremely powerful.

Tact is hard, because it feels like lying. But it's worth practicing.

Many people believe that how you feel about something is more important than what is true. You don't have to agree with this, but learning to deal with it is crucial.

on dating and creepiness

Creepy is weird with romantic intent.

Finding things about a person without their participation isn't normal, it's creepy.

Knowing things about someone isn't the same as knowing them.

If she likes you, then compliments flatter her. If she doesn't like you, compliments creep her out.

If she thinks you're creepy, the best thing you can do is leave her alone.

Most aspects of a relationship are improved through conversation.

Stages of a normal dating relationship:

  1. unknown
  2. strangers
  3. acquaintances
  4. friends
  5. dating
  6. boyfriend/girlfriend (exclusively dating)
  7. engaged
  8. married

Stages/types of relational intimacy:

  1. physical - looks, etiquette, and charisma
  2. aesthetic - arts, style, culture, and general compatibility
  3. recreational - shared interests, sports and hobbies
  4. intellectual - hopes, fears, opinions and beliefs
  5. spiritual - morality, ethics, shared existence and shared goals
  6. emotional - feelings, trust, security and safety
  7. sexual - touching and romance
  8. unconditional - love & support without expectation

on women

Females aren't necessarily worse at math and sciences, though if you tell them they are, they perform so.

Females can be friends with someone they're not attracted to.

Most females have been raised to prefer inaccuracy to impoliteness.

on pornography

It's quite possible that porn is bad for you. Many men are addicted to pornography. It seems to lessen sexual desire and attraction to real women.